My Brave Soldier- Tribute to Joey- for RUSTYSGOLDENSONG

Oftentimes when one loses a beloved "pet"- whether dog, cat, horse, bird, or other beloved creature, one of the most healing things we can do is to write, to journal, to share our feelings with others. It helps us to accept the difficult reality and at the same time, it helps others to feel understood and to acknowledge that we, too, have been through these losses, and that our feelings are normal. So often we are not understood, but to see and to feel what others have gone through, validates our feelings and help us to heal.

This entry, sent to me by RUSTYSGOLDENSONG this morning, is, for me, is an exceptionally feeling and beautiful tribute to the loss of her beloved dog, Joey. She has shared the experience with us so beautifully.

August 23.2006,

Yesterday, I lost my sweet boy. He lost his fight with cancer and pain.
I had to shut my heart off and think of "HIM" to not hold on, because I could not stand the thought of losing him! I wanted time to stop and bring the time back of when he was that bundle of fur that I brought home from the shelter.

Joey would have been 12 next month.

For you see, I know that being a "parent" to a "fur baby" we may be asked at one time, to make a decision that will change our lives forever, but for me, I had to make this decision, just four months ago for my sweet Toby. He too had cancer and was going home to his brother Bandit, who had gone home to Jesus one and a half years ago.

So you see, it was hard for me, I was yelling at my vet on the phone telling her that "I can't do this!! I just lost my Toby and I can't lose him too,"
The time was one ten, when I arrived at the vet's office. I have been with my vet for 24 years but I got lost in getting there. As I pulled up, there was a husband and wife standing in the driveway, holding a collar and leash. They were holding each other crying. I knew in  my heart what had just happened to them and that I too, would be faced with the tears...

As I walked in, I was taken to a room and told that they would bring Joey to me. When he was, he just stayed so quiet on the cart. I cried so hard into his fur and I remember asking him to not hate me and to remember that I had promised that I would bring him home, But, I could not keep that promise the way I meant it.

I took out my "Holy Water" and rosary and I blessed my boy and begged GOD to let me keep him, to give me a sign that he could come back to me. I looked into Joey's eyes and I could see right into his soul. I could hear him say,"I love you, mama. It's time."

I was with him for thirty minutes. it seemed that the world outside stopped and it was just me and my boy...
 
You see, Joey had had a very hard life from the beginning. When I got him, he was in the shelter. Six months old, he had his first surgery to his hip. It took six months to get strong enough as he had to have the other side done due to the hip disease to which "Labs" and other large breeds are prone. From that point on, he's had three or four ear surgeries, a lump removed from his foot, and the one in his mouth that was the mast cell. He had at least ten "fatty tumors"at the age of five. I was told that he had "Muscle Degeneration Disease, which would eventually cause him to lose all of his muscle strength and that he would need help.

Five months ago, he reached the point that I was his full care taker. No longer able to get up on his own, he would fall over easily. It broke my heart to see him struggle so.

Just a little over one month ago, Joey would cry at night. I would come into the living room and be with him to soothe his pain. When I took Joey to the Vet, I promised him, that I would come back and bring him home. I just never knew that it would be this way.

As I finish this memorial, listening to the song of "Josh Groban" You can see that I am crying. It was just lunch time and Joey isn't here to beg me for what I had.. and Maxie is so sad that she's behind the couch.

I know as Joey's mama, the last gift that I gave him yesterday was My HEART.. that I set him free. I kept telling him that Toby and Bandit would be at the bridge waiting for him that I knew he would be a big strong boy again...  that he wouldn't hurt anymore..

I have lowered my flag at Half staff and it will be until he comes home again..

Tomorrow I will go andget him. Iwill bring him home just for him to see it for the last time before I take him the long road to the funeral home where he will be cremated. I will then be called and will go and we will take that last journey together to come home again..

I have these words to say,

"Joey, I remember the day that I went to see all the puppies at the shelter, and for some reason, you stood out of all the others. Even with your sister, you stood out... and you just looked like a "Joey"!
You were the "mama" to Maxie when I brought her home at the age of four days. You slept next to her as she slept.  You are my angel that is now in heaven with Bandit and Toby, which guides me at night. I gave you your gift of going home as your mama I let you go, and now I can see you in heaven, playing and sitting at the right hand of GOD, waiting to be fed, being so impatient for your food.

Joey and Maxie (tiny baby)

I long to be with you again my sweet boy... I love you. I am your mama on earth, you are my son in heaven. We will see each other again in Heaven at the Rainbow bridge. I will do my best to take care of Maxie as she too longs for you. Joey, I love you and you love me. Your mama on earth has given you to the hands of Jesus' mama. She will take care of you 'till we can be together again.

In this world, I have found what love is, and its what you find in the fur babies in our lives that come along when we need them the most.

Joey, I don't want to end this, but I know that I have to..

The words of Josh,"Your memory so clear, that maybe you're still here."
You are watching over me from up above.

I love you Joey, you love me..

"Ditto"

Joey and Jessy