Angels Gremlin and Mouse- Two of OurBelovedAngel's Bridge Babies
I have been doing a lot of thinking about this issue,concerning when it is time to get another pet after we have lost a beloved fur baby. For me, I need time to really let the loss touch me, and to grieve it. Life is so precious and one cannot replace an "angel" pet with another. I don't think that it is fair to either myself, or to the new pet that may come into my house. I would be comparing them, trying to recapture the relationship I had with my angel with the new being, and that just is not possible.
Sometimes certain situations arise where one is faced with a new pet that presents itself for adoption, that needs a new home desperately. I often consider that to be the angel "finding" a being that is in need.. and sending them to us. But I just cannot, for myself, actively go out to try and replace my angel. When I lost my horse, Patti, I was like a maniac trying to find a "replacement" but to no avail.. none were right, but the journey to find one seemed to deaden my pain and sorrow. Patti eventually did find the right horse for me, but I could not tolerate that hole in my heart that she left, and my search was incessant. I don't think I could do that again.
It took me over two years to be able to open my heart again to adopt LucyFur, who I also think Mouse led me to find, and I am so happy to share my heart and home with her. But I think we need that time to feel the loss and to be able to open our hearts to another being without trying to make them into someone who they are not!
Lucyfur- OurBelovedAngel's most recent resident in our home and hearts. The two older residents took awhile to accept her, but now she is second in command. Her purr resembles the sound of a diesel engine idling:) AND as loud!!
What do you think? What has been your experience? I think a discussion will be very helpful to people who may be in this situation and are wondering what to do.
Thanks for your input,
Jo
6 comments:
Jo,
You didn't lose Lucy did you? She's still with you I hope.
Cindy
I don't think there is a "right" answer to this question as we are all so different in how we grieve and for how long. I in fact, don't know if we ever "get over" the loss of loved ones in our lives -- whether animals or people. Memories live forever, as well as the state of "missing" another. But, writing as someone involved in animal rescue, wherever there has been loss, I try to save another animal as soon as possible. The thinking is, "I could not save ----- from cancer or kidney failure (or whatever), but I can save .........." This does not absolve the feeling of loss and/or pain. But, somehow it helps to know one can save another, different life. No animal (or person) ever "replaces" another. But, love can indeed, be felt again. It's important to keep a grieving heart open. -- Patty
Patty's response pretty much nailed what ended up working for me. As some on here have read, I lost my beloved Hobbes in July 2005. It was my first experience losing a companion and it was devastating. I feel that the most important advice I was given was to leave myself as much time as I need to grieve, and no matter what, to wait at least 30 days before I started looking again. Also, it was suggested not to go looking to replace Hobbes, because that would be impossible, but to find another creature that needs my love and offers me a whole new world of companionship.
It took me 4 months before I was ready to even think about bringing another creature into my life. When I did finally start to put my toes into the water, I did it by volunteering at a local cat shelter, figuring if there was a cat there for me, it would someday become apparent. I just never expected it would happen my second week of volunteering. I truly wasn't ready, but there was something about this one cat at the shelter that felt very special, and I felt like I'd hate myself forever if I didn't take a chance on him.
My instincts turned out to be right on the money. He will never be Hobbes, but he will be every bit as special in his own unique way. And that's turning out to be a-ok with me. I have also come to believe that Hobbes sent him here intending for us to find each other, and that Hobbes' spirit is still here with us, delighted to see that I've found someone to love. And surely loving me back through my new companion. And, like Patty wrote, it has helped me tremendously to know that I saved a creature from a shelter.
There is a story of a man who is waiting to go through the gates of heaven and he is talking to St. Peter. At one point in the interview St. Peter asked the man to see his heart. The man opened his shirt and there before him his heart was visible. It was perfect and unblemished. St. Peter told him he would have to wait longer. To go back to earth. The man was confused and just stood at the gate.
Another man appeared shortly and St. Peter ask this man the same thing. When the man showed St. Peter his heart it was scarred and blemished, truly a sad sight. St. Peter smiled and let this man in.
The first man asked why the man with the damaged heart was allowed in and he with the perfect heart was not.
St. Peter told him that the man with the scarred and damaged heart had given his love freely. He had felt the pain of loosing precious companion and had grown and prospered and learned to love more deeply as a result.
Cat lovers have blemished hearts but it a blemish of love and grieving and rebirth of love again. We all just take a different amount of time.
I honestly think that each individual has to make the decision as to when they are ready. When you loose a precious pet your life is never the same. They have impacted your life in a very special and precious way.
Some people feel the need to have a physical presence with them, another cat to cuddle and love and it works out well. Other people have a need to have "Down time" so to speak. They need time to grieve and grief is a normal part of the whole process.
I think each of us has a threshold that tells us when we are ready. I think that we also need to remember that the world doesn't always understand our grieving process. Cat lovers will know and understand but the average person that has not been cherished by a cat thinks that getting another cat immediately is the answer. They will tell you it is ONLY A CAT. In a way they are right. It was the ONLY cat in your life that you loved at this time. It may be the only one ever, or it may be the cat that you grieve for and go on to open your heart to another.
LucyFur is sharing our hearts and home and totally challenging the older cats, still. I just added her picture here so that folks can see her. I really need to add Trouble and Puppy too, and will do so in the near future:)
Thanks for asking, Brand5412. I appreciate your concern.
Jo
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