Normal Grief Responses: By terraoceana.com

Grief can be painful and often seems overwhelming - it frightens us. Many people worry if they are grieving in the "right way" and wonder if their feelings are normal. The grief responses listed here are all natural, normal and appropriate. These feelings are consistent with personal and spiritual growth.

 

Most people who suffer a loss experience one or more of the following:

. Feeling of tightness in the throat, heaviness in the chest and shortness of breath.
. An empty feeling in the stomach and loss of appetite.
. A desire for sweets, carbohydrates, or wanting to eat when not really hungry.
. Feeling of guilt or anger and not knowing why or at whom.
. Feeling of restlessness and looking for activity, but finding it hard to concentrate.
. Feeling as though the loss is not real, as if it did not actually happen.
. Feelings of panic, the desire to run away or having self-destructive thoughts.
. Sensing the loved one's presence; expecting the person/animal to walk in the door at   the usual
   time, hearing the loved one's voice, bark or meow or seeing their face.
. Wandering around and forgetting about or not finishing things that you started.
. Difficulty sleeping and frequently dreaming of the loved one.
. Intense preoccupation with the life of the loved one.
. Assuming mannerisms and traits of the loved one.
. Guilt or anger over things that happened or didn't happen in the relationship.
. Anger with the loved one for leaving.
. Loss of warmth in relationships with others and a tendency to respond irritably and with anger.
. The need to take care of other people who seem uncomfortable by politely not talking about
  feelings of loss or grief.
. The need to recall, tell and remember things about the loved one and the experience of his/her death.
. Guilt about being alive.
. Mood changes.
. Crying at the most unexpected things and times.
. Feeling as though nothing seems to make sense anymore.
. Feeling as if nothing is important anymore.
. Wanting to be left alone, yet feeling intensely lonely.
. Feelings of indecisiveness.

What We Need During Grief

Time
Time alone, and time with others whom you trust and will listen when you need to talk. Perhaps months or years of time to feel and understand the feelings that accompany loss.

Rest
Relaxation, Exercise, Meditation. You may need extra amounts of these things. Hot baths, afternoon naps, a walk, a trip, a "cause", helping others. Any of these may give you a lift. Grief is an emotionally exhausting process. You need to replenish yourself in creative ways. Follow what feels healing and what connects you to the people, animals and other things that you love.

Security
Try to reduce, or find help for financial or other stresses in your life. Allow yourself to be close to those you trust. Getting back into routine helps. You may need to allow yourself and give yourself permission to do things at your own pace and in your own way.

Hope
You may find hope and comfort from those who have experienced a similar loss. Knowing some things that helped them, and realizing that they have recovered, will kindle hope in you. Becoming aware "that time really does heal", will give hope that in the future your grief will be less raw and painful.

Caring
Allow yourself to accept the expressions of caring from others, even though they may be awkward and uneasy. Helping a friend, relative or stranger, also suffering the same loss, may bring a feeling of closeness with that person, as well as a deeper understanding of the process and purpose of healing.

Goals
For a while it will seem that much of life is without purpose or meaning. At times like these, small goals are helpful. Something to look forward to like going out to lunch or dinner with a friend next week, a movie tomorrow night, a trip next month, all of these help you to get through the time in the immediate future. At first, don't be surprised if your enjoyment of those things isn't the same as before. As time passes, you may need to work on some longer range goals to give some structure and direction to your life. You may wish to seek guidance or counseling if you are unable to begin establishing these long term life plans.

Small Pleasures
Do not underestimate the healing effects of small pleasures. Sunrises and sunsets, a walk in the early morning or cool of the evening, to be thankful and say a prayer, enjoy a favorite food, appreciate a flower, the song of a bird, a child's laughter - these are all small steps toward regaining some pleasure in life.

Permission to "Fail"
Sometimes after a period of feeling good, you may find yourself experiencing old feelings of extreme sadness, guilt, despair or anger. This is often the nature of grief- up and down - and itmay happen over and over for a period of time. This happens because, as humans, we cannot take in all of the pain, nor the full meaning of death all at once. So, we let in a little at a time. This is a gift.

Affirmation:
I have permission to grieve. I am free to talk about my person/animal, to miss and treasure their things, clothes, pictures and their memories. I have permission to cry one moment and smile the next as I recall our life together. Most of all, I know it is very OK to have these feelings and to take care of myself by expressing these feelings. These choices are mine. There is no schedule to keep.

Please visit their website at Terraoceana.com  for excellent support information.