Tribute to Angel Hobbes: Written by Steve:
Hobbes: Feb. 1988 to July 25, 2005
Over and over, people had assured me that I would somehow magically know when "it was time". For weeks now, I worried that I would somehow be too oblivious to recognize the signal, or lack the courage to act if I didn't miss it. Late Sunday night, Hobbes' health started to nosedive. It had done this before, but this time felt different. I can't say why, but somehow, I knew in my heart he wouldn't be pulling out of it this time. So, the time had come, I knew it, and I couldn't avoid it.
I spent much of the wee hours of the morning laying beside Hobbes on the bed, petting him and telling him how much I loved him. At 10am I spoke with the vet and got an appointment to euthanize Hobbes for 3pm. My friend and neighbor, Denise, was standing ready to help me summon the strength I needed to get through it - little did either of us realize how soon I was going to need that help - Thank you SO MUCH for being there, Denise.
And then, as I lay alongside Hobbes knowing that our time together (on earth at least) was quickly coming to an end, wanting it to be as loving and special as I could make it, having finally prepared myself to deal with ending his life, he died peacefully in my arms - just an hour before the appointment I had scheduled with the vet. Needless to say, I'm so numb and tired from the emotional voyage that this experience sent me on that I can't even begin to describe what I am feeling. I'm not sure I even know what I am feeling right now, except it really really hurts. But I am thankful for one thing - I will at least be spared the inevitable guilt trip that surely would have accompanied my having to have made the decision to end his life.
I want to thank all of you for the help and offers of help, notes of concern, supportive phone calls, IM's and e-mails and caring thoughts you sent my way. You are part of the reason that I have faith I will make it through the grief and anguish, someday to smile again.
Steve
3 comments:
Hello Steve I read your most touching entry about Hobbes and I have to say it was written beautifully and with all the emotion that you were going through. I know how painful it is because for me it was the exact same way when I lost my beloved Mia cat and Missy. They both died in my arms and I cried like a baby. It still hurts and I think it will for a very long time. But it gets easier with time knowing that they are at peace now and no more pain. I have one more now Lucy she has a tumor but is holding her own at 16 years old. Mia was her baby. How we love them so. Much love to you Steve.
Dear Steve:
Your Angel Cat Hobbes was a most handsome tiger man in his cat-form; when you meet again, he will probably be much the same, but without pain or suffering!
Each of us has our own personal belief system; all I have learned in life would sup-port this hope.
Having "been there" many times, I can say I share many of your feelings and thoughts. I have had to make "the decision" and follow through with it several times, each time in case of incurable and terminal illness. I will never "get over it", but I know that in each case, I did the most merciful thing I could in order to help my dearly loved ones to be free of suffering which was not going to lessen.
Recently, one of our large extended feline family, Kinoko-chan, fairly suddenly went into decline; I had made an appointment for a checkup, and she passed sometime in the night/early morning of the day of that appt., in our room, quite peacefully, as far as I can tell. She had had heart problems, but had seemed quite well for quite awhile. Her passing was therefore a shock. Even more shocking was the passage, mere weeks later, of Tashi, probably of an aneurism. We had no indication that she was unwell in any way; and her passing was totally without warning. In five months to the day, we lost these two angel girls, plus Moti to CRF after 7 mos. of therapy, and Rojita to cancer after surgery and a slight rallying. In each case, their passing was at home, naturally. I am glad for this, as I live about 45 min. away from our veterinarian, and part of the journey is over very rough dirt roads. I would not have wanted to put my beloveds through what would have been a very stressful journey, nor would I have wanted the hospital to be the last place they saw on this earth. I am satisfied in my soul that in each case, it is as it should have been.
My prayers/healing thoughts are with you; and I know that you and your Hobbes w
Steve,
How I wish I could have known Hobbes. He was so lucky to have you as a friend and companion. His loss will always hurt, but he would want you to find peace and happiness again. Until you meet again...
Love, Sandy
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