The Stages of Grief

These stages of grief do not necessarily follow in the order listed. Oftentimes we go through them in different ways..and that is normal!

We all have been through it at one time or another. Maybe it was with a family member but most likely it was with a beloved pet. Grieving for pets is a normal and natural part of pet ownership and loss. We love our pets as if they were a member of our families and their short life spans make it hard to handle when their time to leave us arrives.

During the grieving process, we pass through what is known as *"The Stages of Grief."  Knowing that these stages are perfectly normal will help us cope with our losses.  Yes, it is normal to grieve their loss and a natural process of healing. Here are the stages of grieving we all go through as our beloved pets pass on.  The stages may not always flow in this order but almost always are present as we work though our losses. Remember, however that the grieving process for each individual is as unique as each lost relationship. There is no set pattern or time period for recovery.

•Denial. Most people will experience a period of denial, refusing to
believe the pet is dying or has died. Denial is usually strongest when
there is little time for acceptance, such as with an accident or
short-term illness.

•Bargaining. For pets facing imminent death, many people will try to
make a deal with God, themselves, or even the pet, in a desperate
attempt to deter fate.

•Anger. In frustration, anger may be directed at anyone involved with
the pet, including friends, family, veterinarians, and the pet owner
himself. Blame directed at oneself can often lead to guilt.

•Guilt. Guilt is probably the most common emotion resulting from the
death of a companion animal. As the pet's primary caretaker, all
decisions regarding the care are the pet owner's responsibility: when a
pet dies, the owner often feels guilty about actions taken and not
taken, even about things that happened before the pet became ill. The
most attentive caretaker may feel that he or she should have somehow
done more. But we all do out best with the information, knowledge, and resources available to us. It is important to try not to second-guess
the decisions you made along the way, and to remember that you tried to act in your pet's best interest.

•Depression. Depression can indicate the start of acceptance. It is
normal to withdraw and contemplate the meaning of the relationship in solitude. Deep and lasting despondency, however, requires professional help.

•Acceptance. Now is the time to remember the good times. The daily
reminders become a little less painful. You find that you can now start
to think about the future.

We must also remember that during our grieving, not everyone will understand what we are feeling and the pain we are feeling. This is especially true of people who have never found the joy of being loved by that special pet.  They will say cruel things without realizing the kind of hurt their words give. Non pet owners may tell you to, "go out and get another cat or kitten."  "Cats are a dime a dozen so why cry over a dead one." "What are you crying over a dumb animal for in the first place?" "Cats don't have souls and they don't go to heaven." These are typical statements made by people who have never had an animal love them. They don't mean to be cruel, they are just ignorant of the beauty of  a pets special love and devotion. Those hurtful words, in all actuality are words of comfort and healing in their own clumsy way.

Dealing with pet loss is never an easy issue. That is why support groups and support chats can help us work through those very painful and trying hours and one day, believe it or not, you will start to heal and the memories will be golden moments to treasure.

This article is dedicated to Copper, my own angel cat, and all the others who have graced my life and await for my coming to heaven some day.
Julia Morrison                                      
DBDustBuny@aol.com

* Elizabeth Kuber Ross's contribution