Tribute to Angel Hobbes: Written by Steve:
Hobbes: Feb. 1988 to July 25, 2005
Over and over, people had assured me that I would somehow magically know when "it was time". For weeks now, I worried that I would somehow be too oblivious to recognize the signal, or lack the courage to act if I didn't miss it. Late Sunday night, Hobbes' health started to nosedive. It had done this before, but this time felt different. I can't say why, but somehow, I knew in my heart he wouldn't be pulling out of it this time. So, the time had come, I knew it, and I couldn't avoid it.
I spent much of the wee hours of the morning laying beside Hobbes on the bed, petting him and telling him how much I loved him. At 10am I spoke with the vet and got an appointment to euthanize Hobbes for 3pm. My friend and neighbor, Denise, was standing ready to help me summon the strength I needed to get through it - little did either of us realize how soon I was going to need that help - Thank you SO MUCH for being there, Denise.
And then, as I lay alongside Hobbes knowing that our time together (on earth at least) was quickly coming to an end, wanting it to be as loving and special as I could make it, having finally prepared myself to deal with ending his life, he died peacefully in my arms - just an hour before the appointment I had scheduled with the vet. Needless to say, I'm so numb and tired from the emotional voyage that this experience sent me on that I can't even begin to describe what I am feeling. I'm not sure I even know what I am feeling right now, except it really really hurts. But I am thankful for one thing - I will at least be spared the inevitable guilt trip that surely would have accompanied my having to have made the decision to end his life.
I want to thank all of you for the help and offers of help, notes of concern, supportive phone calls, IM's and e-mails and caring thoughts you sent my way. You are part of the reason that I have faith I will make it through the grief and anguish, someday to smile again.
Steve